Dealing with Breastfeeding Stress

by

Breastfeeding has been a phenomenal source of maternal fulfillment for me. Today, I’ve gotten comfortable enough to know the right way for the baby to latch well. I’ve become more secure with pumping when I’m away at work.

It wasn’t always a joy though. During the first two months, breastfeeding stressed me out. There were a lot of sources of breastfeeding stress for me. I’d like to share them with you, so that when you’re beginning your journey with breastfeeding, you’ll feel less alone. I also really hope that I can help you.

Source of Stress #1: Lack of Support
While I did read up a lot on breastfeeding, I still wanted needed support from others. Timmy is my firstborn, and so, I’ve never breastfed in my life. I planned on breastfeeding him exclusively and was eager to try that out.   It was surprising how comments like “Matutuyuan ka rin, mga two weeks.” (“You’ll dry up in two weeks.”) or “Are you sure you’re giving him enough milk? You should give him formula already” could be so demotivating. I felt like nobody believed I could breastfeed at all.

What worked for me: (1) Sticking to my guns. Thinking “If they don’t believe in me, well, I believe in what I’m capable of.” (2) Trying to understand where the comments were coming from — most of them came from mothers who breastfed their babies for a very short time, some who didn’t breastfeed at all. While their comments were rooted in their own experiences, I just felt they could’ve been more supportive, being aware of my breastfeeding plans and all. Other comments came from concern, as they saw how I was having difficulty dealing with the early morning feedings and I was turning into a huge grouch. Somehow they believed formula would help ease the burden.  (3) Declaring “Look, I want to try this out okay? This means a lot to me, and I would really appreciate if you could help me out. I won’t force it if it’s not meant for me, but I really would like to give it a whirl.” That got their attention, and more importantly, their support. (4) Turning more to friends who did support me, and their guidance was invaluable.



Source of Stress #2: The Pain, Oh, the Pain!
My first experience with engorged breasts came on the third day after I gave birth. Engorged breasts feel heavy, full, and hot, but definitely not in a sexy way! During the first month, I also experienced sore and cracked nipples. They hurt a lot and I dreaded taking a shower because they’d hurt even more. Cracked nipples hurt even more than engorgement.

What worked for me: (1) For engorged breasts: If my baby wasn’t hungry, I would go for a warm compress or better yet, a warm shower. This released  some of the milk, thereby making me feel more relieved. Using a breast pump also helped a lot. (2) For cracked nipples, I just let them be. Sometimes I’d dab some breastmilk on the cracks (I read that helps) or air them for a short while. I’m very wary of creams and oils so I didn’t use any of those. My natural way of dealing with cracked nipples worked anyway, and it lasted for only a couple of weeks. (3) Believing that all this pain is worth it — all for the baby’s good health!



Source of Stress #3: Am I feeding him enough?
Because I couldn’t tell exactly how much ounces my son was getting, I wondered if he was getting enough milk. There were moments when he would feed every hour. There were moments when he would cry after sucking for a short while, and my heart would break because I didn’t know if he was still hungry.

What worked for me: (1) Monitoring baby’s bowel moments. For as long as they were regular, that was a good thing. (2) Checking baby’s weight gain. He did gain weight during his check-ups, so I was assured that he was indeed getting enough milk to drink. (3) Learning my baby was cluster feeding. Cluster feeding is defined as having breastfeeds close together, usually a sign that the baby’s going through a growth spurt. Understanding the reason behind his frequent feedings calmed me. (4) Feeling the difference in my breasts before and after a feeding. Full before feeding, then softer (if not a little sorer too) after.



Source of Stress #4: Why is he crying while I feed him?
There was milk coming out of my breasts, but my baby wouldn’t stop crying. I tried different nursing positions, adjusting the room’s temperature, singing, not singing…

What worked for me: Checking my shirt! Apparently, my other breast was leaking while I was feeding him on the other breast. The wet spot by his legs made him very uncomfortable, hence made him cry. No wonder. After that, I learned to use breast pads at all times.

Source of Stress #5: Worrying about going back to work
As my maternity leave came to a close, I began worrying how working and pumping would go hand-in-hand. I worried about fitting in pumping into my usually toxic work schedules. I worried that the refrigerator at work would conk out, and I’d get stuck with spoiled breastmilk. I worried about cleaning my pump. I worried about storage. I worried a LOT.

What worked for me: (1) Reading up on how to breastfeed while at work. There are a lot of good sites that offer tips on how to pump while at the office. Knowledge is power, right? (2) Getting tips from other working moms. Learning from their experiences empowered me. If others can, why can’t I? (3) Practicing pumping while away from home. During the times my husband and I would go out of the home for chores or groceries, I’d practice pumping while in the car. I built a relationship with my breast pump, and became more comfortable with it. (4) Putting together my breastfeeding work bag ahead of time. I bought a bag to carry my breastfeeding gear — the pump, a nursing bib (to cover myself if I’d pump on the road), extra batteries, extra cups, storage bags. My breastfeeding bag is just a roomy office bag, nothing fancy, but sturdy enough to house my gear. I also bought a small cooler with two ice packs for when I store my milk. Organizing my breastfeeding gear before going to work lessened the panic.

Source of Stress #6: The Debate on Supplementing Breastmilk with Formula
This was a HUGE source of stress for me. As a working Mom, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to leave enough breastmilk at home for the baby. My back-up plan? Formula.

You’d be amazed at how much hate I got from other Moms when I brought mixed feeding up. I was really surprised. Yes, breastfeeding 100% is really the best, I know. But what if I’m faced with the reality that my son suddenly goes through a growth spurt while I’m not home and the supply of breastmilk at home is all gone? Do I make my starving son wait till I get home from work, just so formula wouldn’t touch his lips? Of course not.

I respect the opinions of those who were strongly advocating 100% breastfeeding, but what I didn’t like was that I felt like such a bad mother when I said the words “Formula Milk.” The dismay and shock these advocates spewed were just too much for me. And the thing is, I didn’t even plan on feeding my baby formula milk UNLESS my breastmilk ran out at home. It was a back-up plan. I was patronized and shunned for my back-up plan. I can’t imagine how Moms who primarily feed their babies formula milk must feel when they’re the targets of these advocates I encountered.

What worked for me: (1) Stocking on milk weeks before I went back to work. Since my baby usually nurses only from one breast before falling asleep, I’d then express milk from the other breast. Over time, I built up an adequate supply in the freezer. (2) Getting support from my pediatrician. While she is a strong breastfeeding advocate, she understood my worries and gave me the right kind of motivation — inspirational stories from patients who shared my woes. (3) Getting support from working Moms who went through the same dilemma. Some shared that they too became targets of some over-eager advocates, but did relate with my situation. And so they shared their own back-up plan stories with me, and gave me inspiration that all will be fine for as long as I pump regularly. Regular pumping schedules will keep the supply up, they shared, and I’d have enough milk for my baby without needing to go for formula. But having a can of formula at home won’t make me rot in hell — they didn’t. Don’t think you’re a bad mother if mixed feeding crosses your mind, okay?

I’ve been back at work for a month now, and I’m happy to share that my baby is still primarily breastfed. I do have a box of formula at home, just in case I run out. I don’t feel bad about that.

*****

Breastfeeding is not without its challenges, but they can be overcome. If you have any questions about breastfeeding, please drop me a line and I will try to help you as much as I can. Support was my most important ally during my breastfeeding trials, and I’d like to offer you me help if you need it. It is a beautiful experience, one that gets easier and more comfortable with time — both for you and your baby. :)

Image credits: (1) Daquella manera (2) Virginia Zuluaga (3 and 4) Sean Dreilinger (5) Pinot & Dita (6) 150hp

16 Comments on Dealing with Breastfeeding Stress

  1. gene
    December 7, 2009 at 2:17 pm (14 years ago)

    This is very informative Toni. Not like the typical breastfeeding articles that says do this and do that because it’s right in theory. I think breastfeeding moms needs to learn more from other moms who really went through with the process. I’m a proud mama of a 10-month old baby girl and still breastfeeding despite teeth and bites.
    .-= gene´s last blog ..The Joy of Breastfeeding =-.

    Thanks Gene. I wonder how I’ll fare when my son starts teething!

    Reply
  2. Carmela
    December 7, 2009 at 8:28 pm (14 years ago)

    I feel for you! My son is 11 mos. and has teeth already that when he nurses, he likes to make fun and bites on my nips. Hurts like hell! But I can’t bring myself to stop nursing him. I plan to just use a breast pump next time and make him stop.
    .-= Carmela´s last blog ..Bittersweet =-.

    Wow! Good on you Carmela! :)

    Reply
  3. Lissa
    December 8, 2009 at 1:33 am (14 years ago)

    Very good post Toni! Honestly, you and I shared similar experiences with breastfeeding. I totally advocate for breastfeeding but I won’t put down moms who use formula as a backup. That’s what I did too! We probably bought formula once a month when my milk stash got depleted.

    I’m really proud of what you’re doing so far. And the comments that other people make, it’s really hilarious and annoying at times. When Connor was about 10 months old, people were asking: “Oh you’re still breastfeeding?” As if it’s a bad thing. Yes, I plan to breastfeed ’til he’s a year so YES I’m STILL breastfeeding. Really, it’s no one else’s choice but the mother’s. My work is also very supportive when it comes to breastfeeding. I was lucky enough to have my own office so I pumped there during my break. They also let me put my milk in the fridge. I’m sure you’ve already read this but breastmilk can actually stay at room temperature for quite awhile so I wouldn’t worry about spoiled milk.

    It’s nice that you’re putting out information and your own personal experience for moms going through the same thing.

    Thanks Lissa. And as always, you understand where I’m coming from!
    I’ve learned that learning about breastfeeding from websites is one thing, but learning about it from other mom’s experience is another. I’m hoping to provide help through the latter, because I’ve experienced how invaluable another’s breastfeeding lessons can be!

    Reply
  4. aLine
    December 8, 2009 at 11:09 am (14 years ago)

    Informative… hmmm is it really painful?
    .-= aLine´s last blog ..Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao =-.

    In the beginning it is, but you get the hang of it after a couple of weeks.

    Reply
  5. cessna
    December 8, 2009 at 4:46 pm (14 years ago)

    You wouldn’t believe who just discouraged me from breastfeeding Bunso. My pedia. Make that my ex-pedia 😉 She wanted me to “try more formula” (mixed feedng din ako) because it’s healthier, and when Bunso got sick, she said it was because he was allergic . Buti na lang hindi ako nakinig. It’s a long story, I’ll try to blog about it =)
    .-= cessna´s last blog ..Baking Obsessed =-.

    Nye! That’s ironic ‘no? Pedia pa talaga. Yeah, blog about it! It’s great learning from experiences of other Mommies :)

    Reply
  6. Joey
    December 9, 2009 at 1:54 am (14 years ago)

    Hi, Toni!

    Congratulations for being successful in your breastfeeding efforts!

    All the difficulties…it was all worth it, wasn’t it?
    .-= Joey´s last blog ..If I Were A Starbucks Drink… =-.

    Very much so!

    Reply
  7. Joey
    December 9, 2009 at 1:59 am (14 years ago)

    uhhh, I hope I wasn’t one of those you alluded to when you mentioned the hate you encountered when you mentioned “mixed feeding” 😉
    .-= Joey´s last blog ..If I Were A Starbucks Drink… =-.

    Nope, you weren’t one of them. :)

    Reply
  8. Eper
    December 9, 2009 at 11:58 am (14 years ago)

    I really applaud your efforts, patience & perseverance, Toni! I am so proud of your success and must say, quite envious as well.

    I’m one of those moms who wasn’t successful with breastfeeding but definitely not for lack of trying. I felt a lot of guilt over this, in fact, I still do to this day. And it doesn’t help that a lot of overzealous breastfeeding advocates look down on mothers who give formula milk. I pay them no mind because I know I’m a good mother and breastfeeding alone does not make one a good mother.

    Keep up the good work, Toni!
    .-= Eper´s last blog ..Is This A Sign? =-.

    Good for you Eper! Let’s continue to support each other :)

    Reply
  9. rain
    December 15, 2009 at 9:16 am (14 years ago)

    Hi! I came across this through Pinoy Baby at Facebook. I could relate so well with the article that I felt I could have written it myself – especially the issue of formula supplements. So kudos to you, dear! :)

    Let’s support each other Rain! :)

    Reply
  10. Kay
    December 16, 2009 at 1:55 pm (14 years ago)

    Don’t mind them … you know what is right for your son.
    .-= Kay´s last blog ..Mommy’s 46th Bday =-.

    Thanks Kay!

    Reply
  11. Ycel
    December 20, 2009 at 11:04 am (14 years ago)

    Hi, Toni. The discrimination against breastfeeding moms is everywhere, even airline companies are unsupportive. I ran into problems with the Bangkok airport authorities when I brought in 100 oz. of frozen breast milk which I kept in a Coleman cooler. I attended a 3-day meeting in Bangkok and expressed breast milk to keep my supply going. While milk per se is allowed, you have to have a baby with you for them to allow you to bring the milk inside the plane. I had to explain to them that I would not be carrying a cooler full of breast milk if my baby was with me (clearly, they do not understand this) so they told me that they had to dispose the milk. I just froze on the spot and cried a river. I did not move, I just cried (I couldn’t help it; if I knew I’d run into this problem I would have disposed the milk right from the start). Out of pity the supervisor talked to the airline manager if the cooler may be allowed to be placed in the cabin. The airline manager agreed. I had to have the cooler wrapped with a cling wrap; they did not bring it in until the air conditioning was on. By the time the whole thing was resolved it was boarding time already. I was so drained but also so relieved.

    My baby is now 10 months old. The real joy of breastfeeding for me is seeing my baby thrive. It is one of the most satisfying motherly tasks there is. It is just sad that there are hindrances out there that make this most natural act stressful for the modern mom.

    Reply
  12. Abigael
    January 8, 2010 at 4:36 pm (14 years ago)

    Wow that’s great. It’s wonderful that you have put together such an inspiring blog., please check this informative site. Our mission is to nurture, support and empower all mothers with compassionate service, quality information and outstanding products. We serve as a breastfeeding resource center that educates, guides and encourages each mother as she learns to care for herself.

    Abigail

    Thanks for the helpful link, Abigael!

    Reply
  13. Charm | Hands Free Pumping Bra
    April 13, 2010 at 8:26 am (14 years ago)

    I’m impress on learning more about breastfeeding and while searching come to this post. This really is a whole package in one. I really love reading your post and I could gather some tips that really helps me as a first time mom.

    Thank you for this wonderful post you’ve provided us.

    Thank you for dropping by!

    Reply
  14. miann oblea
    March 2, 2011 at 10:40 pm (13 years ago)

    hi! i just came across this site when i was looking for a weekly meal planning menu. then decided to look deeper if you had any entries on bfeeding.

    can i post this blog in the babymama facebook page?
    this page is a breastfeeding community. thanks!

    miann

    Reply

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