It’s been two months since I returned to full-time work. There are times when it’s easy to get out of bed, say goodbye to my sleeping boy and be one with the morning rush. There are times when it’s immensely difficult, when I’m already at my desk and I just want to burst into tears. Mondays are the hardest.
A lot of my friends and former colleagues who are aware of my journey from WAHM to full-time corporate Mom have been asking me how I’m finding the transition. My answers have ranged from “Really good!” to “Really difficult!” I guess it depends on what day you’re asking me. Or what time of the day.
I will be honest and tell you this — it’s more difficult than I thought it would be, but the difficulty just pushes me to work even harder.
There are a number of things I am already missing given that I’m working full-time. Accompanying my son to school. Singing him to sleep, as I’ve been coming home later and later each week. Fudge, I might even miss enrolment and delegate the task to someone else. These are the things that break my heart.
But I have it easy.
I am thankful that I get to spend two full days with my son before the dreaded Monday. I am thankful that he jumps into my arms when I come home late at night and he’s still awake. I am thankful that we’re able to save more for his future. I am thankful that he’s surrounded everyday by overflowing love from family. I am thankful he is happy and safe, and healthy and loved.
I am thankful I see him everyday, but I aim for him to see more of me.
I am thankful he is exploring school now, but I wish to be more involved.
It’s not easy, but there’s always a way for what you want to happen.
My heart breaks every Monday morning, but my heart grows stronger as I resolve to be a better parent everyday. IT’s tough to do that when you’re away for most of the day. I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the solutions. What I have is the support of my husband and family, the love and belief my son has in me. This is my fuel.
Timmy was spinning around last night in the bedroom. He spun faster and faster, pausing once in a while to catch his step, stumble a bit, but then regain his balance and spin again.
With each spin he became braver, pushing his arms out wider, wider, wider, until he was spinning faster, faster, in much bigger circles than when he first started.
He giggled as he lost his balance, and in his dizzy state found his way to me before stumbling into my arms, laughing his heart out.
He could have chosen the bed to fall into. He could have chosen to just lay on the floor and sort his whirling world out. But he spun and spun until he found me, and when he did, zoomed into my arms to be caught.
“Mamamee,” he giggled as he looked up at me with a slight dizziness, but with joy full throttle.
“I’m here, little boy,” I giggled back, scooping him up in my arms and giving him a big hug and a kiss.
Little does he know that when I spin, spin, spin during a work day, it is he who I remember to regain focus. It is he who catches me, when dizziness begins to claim my mind. It is my son who scoops me up and pacifies me, assuring me things will be alright.
The road back to full-time work is difficult but not impossible to tread. You just need that spark of focus to keep you going, going, going. Especially on Mondays. Mondays are the hardest.
Have you experienced going from full-time Mom to part-time or full-time working Mom? Share your struggles and triumphs. Let’s support and learn from each other!
So much love put into our tree.
