To married couples: Do you have a shared hobby?
“To keep your marriage exciting, take up a hobby together.”
That tip is probably in every marriage how-to book I’ve read. Spice up your marriage by taking a class together! Do something different together to prevent boredom!
We’ve tried that. It doesn’t always work. While my husband and I enjoy spending time with each other, over 8 years of marriage we’ve accepted that taking up hobbies together just doesn’t work for us. Well, not yet anyway.
“So… what do we do now?”
Hobby Experiment #1: “Let’s go to the gym together!”
Reason: My husband is HUGE on working out. He thrives in that environment, personal trainer and all. Me? I don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m working out; which is why I prefer working out at home with an exercise DVD. But maybe going to the gym together would motivate me, right? We’d run side by side on the treadmill, pick up some power shakes after a workout. How fit! How romantic!
Result: I’d always finish half an hour earlier. By the time he’s done showering, I would have finished half a sandwich and a shake at the snack bar. He also felt pressured to rush his workout because he knew I’d be waiting. Oh well.
Rating: 2 of 5 stars
Hobby Experiment #2: “Let’s blog together!”
Reason: I love blogging and he’s very supportive of me. What if he blogged too? Yey! We both love going online anyway. We’d blog side by side on our laptops, take pics for each other’s blogs…
Result: He tried it but didn’t sustain it. While he loves brainstorming with me on blog posts, he’d rather leave the writing to me.
Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Hobby Experiment #3: “Let’s play badminton together!”
Reason: Badminton was THE sport a few years ago. He was taking formal lessons and needed someone to practice with. I took up badminton in college so it’d be a breeze, right?
Result: Again, he thrived in it. I almost lost an ear after a badminton racket whizzed by my head. Lesson learned: No sports together for now.
Rating: 2 of 5 stars
Hobby Experiment #4: “Let’s go food tripping together!”
Reason: We love to eat. I love to chronicle our eating adventures. Hurrah!
Result: This worked perfectly until he became super conscious of his diet, healthy eating and all. Then we became less adventurous with food trips. We’re trying to revive this by making a list of restaurants in the metro that highlight healthy eating so we can go back to doing food trips – guilt-free this time. Any recos?
Rating: 4.5 of 5 stars
Hobby Experiment #5: “Let’s play video games together!”
Reason: I love video games! He loves video games! If we play them together, wouldn’t it be awesome??
Result: We got irritated with each other playing side by side. First it was Gauntlet (if I remember right) on Playstation 2. He was a warrior, I was a valkyrie. Our tag team worked pretty well. Then there was Star Wars Lego. We couldn’t sync our moves — he was too fast or I was too slow. I’d lose all my player’s lives and he’d finish the game for us. Oh well!
Rating: 3.5 of 5 stars
That’s just five from a long list of hobbies we’ve tried. We have yet to find that one hobby that engages us both the same way. The fun is in the trying anyway! We may not have found that one common hobby but we’ve tried out plenty that have made us discover more things about each other and our marriage. That’s plenty excitement for me.
Photo credit: Photo: “Debut” by , c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved
September 2nd, 2011 at 10:21 am
Well we’ve tried #1 and #3 on your list but we both fell out of it hahahaha. We’re now down to just running together 2-3x a week. Hmmm…maybe I’ll try to join him in the garden one of these days (he’s got the greenest thumb in my book). Thanks for this post Toni, it really got me thinking
September 2nd, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I am not sure if we have the same hobby but we sure love to surf the net and that makes something in common between us.
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:50 am
Pho 24 serves mostly veggie stuff with a bit of meat on it … Gayuma ni Maria I think could be another option …
September 3rd, 2011 at 2:05 pm
What an absolutely creative way to drive home a point
. Your writing is spectacular and engaging.
My ex-hubby and I used to be addicted to badminton, but of course, that was never the binding force that could’ve saved our marriage. Shared hobbies, of course, are just a speck in the quilt of a successful marriage. There are a gamut of other things both husband and wife must work at, in order to keep the love alive.
I am a new fan of your blog
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Faye: Running together is a good thing! That’s great you have something sporty to enjoy together. I think my husband and I have tried running as well. As usual, it didn’t work out. Haha! Go join him in the garden, that’s cool! Or if you don’t have a green thumb, just bring him ice cold lemonade once in awhile or some sandwiches
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:08 pm
sheng: I think that counts
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Kay: I didn’t have a good experience at Pho 24 the first time I ate there, but I’ll give it another whirl! Haven’t tried Gayuma yet either. Thanks for the recommendations!
September 3rd, 2011 at 9:09 pm
The Pepperrific Life: Wow, thank you for the inspiring and encouraging words!
“Shared hobbies, of course, are just a speck in the quilt of a successful marriage.”
So true! I hope you come by again.
September 3rd, 2011 at 10:42 pm
well you may be married, but shared hobbies may or may not work, as you’ve pointed out. i don’t have any suggestions – but must agree about the gardening! you can be doing 2 totally different things in the same garden!
September 9th, 2011 at 12:28 am
My husband and I don’t have common hobbies anymore! We used to enjoy playing L5R (a collectible card game) together back in college, as well as Ragnarok. Now that I think about it, a lot of our common hobbies have disappeared but it doesn’t really matter. We still find common activities to enjoy, or at least, we’re able to compromise.