As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the seventh in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Deepa’s wifely steps.

I’ll let you in on a secret. The biggest wifely step I ever took was precisely two months and twenty-five days before I became my husband’s wife.

The diamond ring was on my finger, the wedding date was set, the honeymoon flights had been booked – and so had my one-way ticket to Singapore. Marlon, who had gotten a kick-ass job in Singapore, had been based there for the entire four years we’d been dating. Since we both agreed that the Singapore dollar would give us a better financial head start in our shared life, the moment we had gotten engaged, moving there became a foregone conclusion.

The thing was, I didn’t want to move. I loved my life. I had a career that made me creatively fulfilled, ecstatically happy and financially rewarded, a tight-knit family of females with whom I shared everything, and a large, loving and irreplaceable network of friends (a choir, actually) made my life sparkling and vibrant.

Unlike many Filipinos who would leap at the chance to live and work abroad, I was staunchly in love with life in the Philippines – with our people, our beaches, our Salcedo markets and Cubao Expos and cheap finds at Landmark, and damned if I was going to give it up to start from scratch, jobless and friendless, in a country about the size of Quezon City.

Celebrating Marlon’s birthday at Arab Street, Singapore

But when I said yes to Marlon’s proposal, I – by default, almost – also said yes to Singapore. We were overjoyed at the prospect that we were finally going to be together after four years of physical separation, but there were trepidations underneath the happy surface. I was not too excited about being lonely and financially dependent (at least until I got a job). Marlon was worried that I was someday going to resent him for being the reason for the disappearance of my wonderful life.

After a while, I realized I had said yes without really making a choice. And that beyond putting on a brave face, what I really had to do to start our new life together with no fears, no doubts, was simply… choose.

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As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the sixth in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Candice’s wifely steps.

We don’t celebrate our anniversaries. We’ve been married for almost five years and we always, ALWAYS forget to celebrate. As much as we love the day that we met and the day we hooked up, we forget to celebrate those either.

Once in a while, I egg my husband to take me out on an anniversary treat. Or tell him what I’d like as a special gift. But soon after, I forget about it even quicker than he does. What an odd couple we make, it seems.

It has nothing to do with a lack of romance or idealism. It is nothing about shunning traditions or rituals.

I guess we do things a little differently. To begin with, we’re not very good with structure or parameters. Our sleeping hours are a good example. He sleeps well into the morning when I’m already up and about tending to our son.

There’s no rush to be together as dawn breaks, I suppose. Once awake, we spend most of the day together – we lunch, we work, we play with our child. We think about dinner and decompressing at the end of the day.

Because we both work from home, we indulge in all the extras: hugs and cuddles, chatting during the day, sharing stories.

If anything, we make plans to get away from each other. Every week, he goes off to see his friends, play guitar and go home in the wee hours of the morning exhilarated and excited to recount his latest musical feats. I make it a point to see my friends, have my frozen margaritas, or even just spend hours at a nail salon, alone and quiet.

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As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the fifth in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Abby’s wifely steps.

In all the five years that my husband and I are married, I remember this one and only fight that made a dent on the wall – and it’s all because of a UFC Mix Martial Arts Show. I was waiting for him to to go to bed, he dozed off on the couch while watching. I got mad. He got mad because I got mad. And the poopie hits the fan, so to speak. Hilarious now, yes. But at that time it felt as if things will fall apart between us. OA, no? You have to admit it’s a catchy headline – “Couple to Separate Because of UFC Show”.

Seriously though, how many times have married couples argue over silly, trivial things? And out of all those petty fights, what good came of it? I thought so. The fact is, sometimes we are so intent on proving ourselves right (or proving our partners wrong) on an issue that’s not even worth arguing about. When all is said and done, all that came out of me complaining about dirty socks not being properly placed in the hamper (true story, by the way) is wasted time and energy. No one should be a doormat in any relationship, but when a petty conflict arises, get over it by laughing or talking about it. It is all too tempting to telenovela-ize my supposed heartache over hubby forcing me to drink that orange juice in the morning even when I’m not used to it, but I try not to. After all, why should I let the drama of the situation drag or dampen our day and our relationship?

How we deal with the minor issues will ultimately prep us for the bigger, and perhaps mightier evils to conquer in a marriage. Learning to choose our battle gives us a better game plan for tackling challenges together, one at a time.

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Abby blogs at betweenthemoonandnyc.wordpress.com and spews occasional nonsense on Twitter.com/AbbyG_. She says half of the time she’s gone, but she doesn’t know where.

As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the fourthin a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Odette’s wifely steps.

I am thrilled to be invited by Toni to share my own “Wifely Steps” in celebration of her 7th Wedding Anniversary. I am truly delighted for this privilege, but I have to admit that I wondered for weeks what am I going to write about. I worried my life is too simple to be interesting at all to other people. But then again, this is exactly how I want my life to be – simple, no frills, no pretenses and special effects. If there’s anything superfluous in my life, then it’s love. I love truly and deeply and madly as though my life depends on it. And love, in all manners and forms is worth telling after all.

We are a multicultural couple, my husband is Dutch, and I am Filipino. We’ve known each other for nine years before we got married, and almost three years now into our marriage, I’m still learning new things about him. The beauty of marriage is that we have a whole lifetime to do just that. But don’t postpone, make everyday an opportunity to discover and learn something new about each other and then make those discoveries as ways to express your love.

There are so many self-help books written on how to have a happy marriage, but the thing is, every relationship is unique and no book can fully guarantee the happiness you are looking for. You have to find it yourself, you have to work on it yourself, because only you can truly write your own marriage manual. Be prepared though, that the manual you’re writing is in draft form, written in pencil. Along the way you’d need to erase some stuffs, add in a star or an exclamation, an underline there, an encircled word here or more bullet points there. Don’t forget to look for answers for those question marks, and save some pages too for that inspiring quote, the best advice you learned, a favorite family recipe and the vow you made on your wedding day. My wifely steps manual is handmade and a work in progress, and in all its crude glory, may it somehow inspire you with loving ideas to add on your own.

So here we go:

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As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the third in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Nenette’s wifely steps. Today is her 10th wedding anniversary too, so cheers to Roomie and Nenette!

Once upon a time, there lived a handsome young prince with kind emerald eyes and golden hair. A sensitive soul with a mind for science, he wandered all over his cold frosty realm, hoping to find his other half to warm his heart.

On the other side of the world, a dark-eyed, tropical island maiden was born. She loved to dance and tell stories, but her head for math told her she was destined for more.

So, she traveled the skies and crossed the oceans to the cold frosty realm of the prince.

There, they met and lived happily ever after.

The end…

Easy, right? Definitely… except for ALL the stuff between “they met” and “lived happily ever after”, of course!

So, how do 2 very different people from 2 very different cultures make their life together work and have fun doing it? In honour of Toni’s 7th Anniversary, here are 7 ways my darling Roomie and I muddle through it all and enjoy a marriage made in fairy tale heaven! Check it out…

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As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the second in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Ibyang’s wifely steps.

With all the cheesy stories I sometimes share in my blog, a few times readers have asked me if my Husband and I fight. And answer to that is a big “yes”.

As much as there are many things we agree on, there are also instances when we have different opinions and perspectives.

A marriage is a very dynamic relationship. So dynamic that there are so many facets and issues a couple share together. So dynamic that it is impossible for a couple not to get into a fight or get pissed off with each other once in a while. Imagine two people from different backgrounds and concrete opinions on things. Somewhere along the way, there will be disagreements and that is perfectly normal.

After three years of being married, My Husband and I are no “perfect fighters” but we have a couple of lessons learned when it comes managing marital fights. Here are some of them:

Any change can cause an argument. Whether it is something big or small, a new car or a new TV, as long as there is change somewhere in the home and in the dynamic of your relationship, it is normal for disagreements to ensue. Why? Because when a certain change happens in a relationship and in the home, each of you has different ways of dealing with it.

The “don’t go to bed angry” rule does not apply to us all the time. For us, as long as our emotions are stable and we are civil enough to say “good night” to each other, that’s fine. Some arguments need to thaw overnight and we never believe that we have to be all lovey-dovey just because it’s time for bed. Remember, we are humans and not robots—we don’t have an on/off switch for fighting and making up. Also, every individual have different time frames on when they get over things. So my Husband and I give each other some space and time to think things over and for our temper to cool down.

However, that being said, we also do not let a fight consume us for a long time. We are both peace-loving individuals, we don’t really like fighting at all. We are truly grateful that we cannot stand being angry at each other for a long time. The truth is, we cannot NOT talk to each other for a long while—we just can’t. So even if an issue hasn’t been resolved, we still talk and try to be nice to each other.

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As part of our 7th wedding anniversary, and in a way, this blog’s 7th anniversary as well, I’ve invited some of my friends to write about their own wifely steps. This is the first in a series of guest posts. Let’s check out Angie’s wifely steps.

I like receiving gifts. I like being surprised. So when I was younger, I imagined that my partner would be the kind to shower with me with little gifts on special occasions and even made-up occasions (I cut my nails today, so here’s a gift for you!). I imagined being surprised by grandly planned fishball and isaw picnics in the UP Sunken Garden while Sting plays in the background. I imagined the hubby would understand that exclamations of “look at that pretty Filigrenasia silver charm bracelet!” mean “get it for me when you get your next pay check.”

Well…it’s already May and the hubby has yet to give me a Christmas gift for 2009. I had to beg, whine and eventually force him to take me to the Hot Air Balloon Festival last February (in fairness, he had a deadline). My last birthday, I told him to get me a Hogwarts robe for a gift (which I did get, yey! But that took away the pleasure of a surprise). Our second wedding anniversary is coming up in less than a month and I doubt he has thought of a gift or planned to do (but if he reads this, it may put a bit of pressure on him. ).

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“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
– Anais Nin

How big is your life today?

Photo credit: Xavier Donat

Before going to work, do you say “This is going to be a great day! I’m great, I’m happy, I’m having a great day!” while looking at yourself in the mirror? It’s a good way to kick off a day. Just learn from this little girl!

Jessica’s Daily Affirmations

My favorite lines: “I like my hair! I like my haircut!” Hahaha! So cute!!! I’ll remember this little girl when I’m feeling the morning blues. Maybe I’ll even try those cheering moves. You should too!