I Dream of Pies
Someday I’ll just stay home and bake pies all day. Apple pie, cherry pie, shepherd’s pie, you name it. 
That thought kept playing in my head when I got back to work after a two-month maternity leave. While my first day at work wasn’t as emotional as I had anticipated, I still felt a little bit of separation anxiety.
I had it really bad the day before that. The baby felt it too, I think, as he was extra clingy. Babies are so perceptive.
While I got a lot of advice on how to deal with the going-back-to-work-blues, it was my son’s pediatrician who helped me the most. She sent me an inspirational message saying that I now am not only a nurturer, but an enabler — enabling Timmy to be not totally dependent on me, enabling him to thrive in an environment wherein even if his parents are not around, he still feels secure that we’ll be coming home to him later in the day. “From womb to world,” she said. It all made so much sense to me. I’ve been told that parenting is letting go. Now I’m learning that parenting is even more about enabling. Those words of wisdom made my first week back at work easier to handle. Timmy was in good care anyway, with his Nonna and nanny watching over him back home.
Coming home became the highlight of my day. Three hours of sleep, quick lunches, a heavy workload and a long ride home should give me license to be extra cranky. There’s no place for that though when I open the door and see the baby welcoming me with a huge smile, his arms and legs kicking excitedly. Mommy’s home!, he seems to be saying. All the day’s worries and pains are forgotten, and all that matters is that I’m home. I’ve come home to be with my son.
How was motherhood changed the way you view your career?, my best friend asked me. I told her it’s too soon to answer that question. I’ve only been a mother for two months and a career woman for more than ten years. What I do know is that I am more motivated to work smarter than ever. I just look at Timmy’s pictures on my office desk and I get that extra boost when exhaustion is nearing. I enjoy what I do for a living anyway, so we’ll take things day by day. But I do know another thing too.
I know that one day, we will bake pies. Timmy and I will spend all day in our own little kitchen, in our own little pie heaven, preparing a savory pie for when his Daddy comes home from work. We’ll bake apple pie, cherry pie, you name it. It’s a vision I have and believe will come true. Right now, he has a lot of growing up to do and I’ll carry on with my day job. But I do have to learn how to bake pies first. Better yet, what if Timmy and I learn to bake pies together?
I’m looking forward to that day.
November 12th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
This post reminded me of the movie Waitress, and made me tear up like it, too. You are doing an awesome job being mommy, Toni. And yes, I see pies in you future. (Coincidentally, you know what my keycode word was “believe?”)
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November 12th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I remember your post about finding a pediatrician and couldn’t help but think that indeed you made the right choice.
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November 12th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Pies, and Timmy = awesomeness!
.-= sheng´s last blog ..The Hundred Islands in Pangasinan =-.
November 12th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
i know how it feels like…felt so bad during the first few days…wondering if my bb will miss me or not…but when i came home, er i found that she didn’t look like she miss me THAT much haha!
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November 12th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
You’ve found a good pediatrician; she’s not only your baby’s doctor; she’s also a friend.
.-= Tetcha´s last blog ..Mommy Moments: Sporty Day =-.
November 12th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
And you know what? It never gets any easier with each succeeding child. The separation is just as painful. As though your heart gets savagely ripped out of your chest.
You’re so lucky to have such a supportive & wise pediatrician.
.-= Sleepless In KL´s last blog ..Happy Birthday, Princess =-.
November 12th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
thanks for sharing your pedia’s advice. it now made more sense to me on why my mother never held me back when it came to being independent and deciding for myself.
more good wishes to you toni as you juggle different roles. you are doing great!
your husband and timmy are very blessed to have you.
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November 12th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I’m looking forward to that day, too. And send me pies, please. Haha. Ang tabachingching ni Timmy! Parang ganyan din ako nung baby ako.
November 12th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
yay! i want some pie too please. hehehe
congrats mommy toni. you are doing great.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Looking forward to your pie baking exploits
A lot of your questions are going to be asked by friends of mine when they have kids. I know I will be asking that question about work too. I think you’re doing a great job! 
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November 13th, 2009 at 6:58 am
yes, the time for pie making will come
motherhood becomes you, toni!
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November 13th, 2009 at 9:27 am
I think the work-family balance for every mom is very personal. You’re doing great, Toni! Cheers!
.-= Candice´s last blog ..An ocean party =-.
November 14th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I agree with Candice. You’ll find the balance that works for you and your family.
Hugs!
.-= rowie´s last blog ..Our son’s birthday giveaway. =-.
November 14th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
J’s comment was exactly my thought: “the movie WAITRESS”. I bawled the whole movie. YOu gotta see it if you haven’t already. Timmy is adorable Toni! And you look so young in that photo!
November 15th, 2009 at 8:56 am
hi Toni! Shempre while reading your post I was rolling up a tear in my eye! Hormones! I’m due in two months and having a peek at your life after giving birth, and your thoughts on leaving Timmy home, and future bonding plans…. Tears of joy, really. hehehe.. Take care!
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November 15th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I dream of baking cookies and cakes … I dream of having an arts store with books on the side and a lil cafe as welll with a salon … I hope our dreams become reality soon.
.-= Kay´s last blog ..wasted and wanting =-.